I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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