If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
