just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
