I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
