Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
