If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
