I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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