Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
