You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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