Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
