We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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