you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want her autograph on my taint
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
