No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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