Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
