I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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