so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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