guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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