none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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