Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Are we still banned from the library?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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