once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
