Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
