I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
