He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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