i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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