5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
