sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
