trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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