There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
