only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
