guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
