dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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