Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
high people should be assigned attendants
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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