the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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