So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
