life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
