do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
