Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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