And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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