i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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