so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
