No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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