Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
