Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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