So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
