if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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