now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
