Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
