Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
