yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
