I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
