a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize