8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
