I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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