Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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