I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize