Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
