you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
