why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
