Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
