After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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