To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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