WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
