Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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