I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your penis caused this!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize