Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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