I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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