I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They took my balls.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
