O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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