I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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