we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
