I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
