I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
